In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
