I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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