We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
