I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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