Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
