He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
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His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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