i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
