At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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