I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
