She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
