I have demons in me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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