I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
