I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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