thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
