if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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