He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
