I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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