i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
