Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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