It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
