I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think i have herpe
just one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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