he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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