what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
