my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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