My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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