I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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