Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
