Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
pop tarts are not kleenex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
