so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
