My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
