i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
