Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
