i permit you to call me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Such a big mess for such a small penis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
