Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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