Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
