am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
