hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
