ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
