Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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