so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
