someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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