He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
