I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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