That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
