Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
