You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
