i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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