No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
