I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
