Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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