okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
