Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
