Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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