Just fell off a train. Bad.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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