Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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