when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
