Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
