well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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