Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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